


Extracts from Lady Jardin’s Plant Pharmacopoeia: an index of plants and their uses

by Anonymous



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Body Modification, Inspired by Corruption of Champions, Inspired by Dungeons & Dragons, Lactation, Massage, Medieval Medicine, Other, Oviposition, PWP without Porn, Plants, Pregnancy, Prolapse, Self-Lubrication, Tentacles, mildly derogatory language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-10 11:20:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20527169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Lady Jardin’s Plant Pharmacopoeia: an index of plants and their usesis a respectable guide primarily for healers, pharmacists, hedge witches and the self-sufficient household that outlines how plants may be used for treatment, or how to treat their side effects.But a few of the entries are more focused on potential carnal uses than medical ones.





	1. Nurse weed (indexed under: broken bones, lactation, fertility - increasing, aphrodisiac, manual unblocking of mastitis)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write porn specifically for my weird kinks. But I also didn't want to write porn porn. Thus I wrote entries for a fictitious pharmacopoeia in a fictional world where the plants have weird, kinky side effects. (But they also some legit medical uses, because I'm a nerd like that.)
> 
> Warning/disclaimer: I assume you are an adult if you read this but please, don't eat foraged plants unless you're certain of their identity and edibility.  
Essential oils are not essences or extracts - don't use them in food. _Always_ use them diluted, either topically with a carrier oil (aka don't use as lube) or diluted through other means such as diffusion or by only using a few drops in a bath. Check with a doctor or aromatherapist before using essential oils if you're pregnant or on medication.

Nurse-weed, also known as soldier’s saviour, bless-a-virgin, mother’s aide or milk blossom, is a small green bushy shrub often found in deciduous forests as well as grassy ditches. It prefers loamy soil that is damp and sheltered. The red and white veined spear shaped leaves are distinctive, as are the bundles of small white flowers and bright blue berries, making it easy to spot.

It flowers twice a year, once in spring and again in autumn, with berries coming in late spring/early summer and early/mid winter.

All parts of the plant are edible, however the sap, leaves and flowers are noted for their medical uses. The berries have certain aphrodisiac and reproductive properties, as do the roots provided they are cultivated in a certain manner.

The milky sap from a freshly cut stalk, when applied to an open wound, helps clotting. The sap’s effectiveness can be improved with distillation, however it can have fatal effects when taken orally in this form.  
**Prescription**: When possible, a poultice is to made and applied to the wound for no longer than half a day. If a poultice is not able to be made, the sap or a distillation painted directly onto the edges of the wound may substitute.  
_Caution:_ Ingestion of nurse weed distillation can be fatal, causing clots to form in the blood. The recommended treatment for patients with thin blood is to prescribe the tea.

Ingestion of the leaves helps promote the healing of broken bones as well as replenishing severe blood loss. A sallet of fresh leaves is the most effective treatment for fresh injuries, but those with weak bones or those prone to fainting may find the dried leaves prepared as a tea or used as seasoning easier to incorporate into their diet.  
**Prescription:** A generous handful of leaves twice a day when consumed as a sallet. Fresh leaves may be wilted in soup or hot water for particularly weak patients. Two large pinches of dried leaves, steeped as a tea, once a day for those who faint or have weak bones. One large pinch of both dried leaves and flowers, steeped as a tea, twice a day for nursing mothers.

The flowers may be dried and steeped as a tea, prepared fresh as a syrup, or brewed into a tonic to stimulate and promote lactation. Honey from bees fed upon the flowers is also effective.  
The galactagogic properties in nurse-weed are very strong, and while it can be distilled into a potent tincture, it is rarely necessary as it almost always stimulates lactation within two weeks of starting a twice daily dose, even in men. Continued used once lactation has been achieved helps increase production, depending on dosage. Nursing mothers are recommended to take a tea of both flowers and leaves for as long as they nurse their child to prevent them from developing weak bones later in life.  
**Prescription:** One of: a large pinch of dried flowers, steeped as tea; half a gill of syrup or tonic; or one large spoonful of honey, twice a day to stimulate lactation. Increase to three to five times a day to increase production. One large pinch of both dried flowers and leaves, steeped as a tea, twice a day for nursing mothers.

If left alone, the flowers eventually develop into small corn-like berries. They start out a milk white in colour before ripening to a deep blue. Eaten while still white, the berries are a slight galactagogue, but have a more profound effect on the fertility of the patient. The volume of spend is increased, with a permanent increase taking place after an extended period of ingestion; the flavour of sexual fluids is improved, the likelihood of impregnation is raised, and a temporary increase of libido occurs.  
Eaten when the berries have ripened to a deep blue, they have no effect. However when dried berries are applied topically to mucous membranes, either whole or ground, an intense aphrodisiac effect is observed.  
**Prescription:** A cluster of fresh white berries, a dozen or so, every other day to increase fertility. Two dozen or so fresh white berries each day for two days to increase spend temporarily and to improve flavour. A dozen fresh white berries daily for a month for permanent increase of spend and fertility. Four to five clusters of fresh white berries for an immediate intense aphrodisiac effect. Apply powdered dried ripe berries orally, vaginally or anally as needed to produce desired response. Whole dried ripe berries may be rubbed on the vulva or perineum, or a small number inserted into the vagina or anus, for a less intense aphrodisiac effect.  
_Caution:_ Continuous ingestion of unripe berries may cause dehydration upon sexual completion. Insertion of numerous whole dried berries into the vaginal or anal canals is not recommended due to rehydration and extreme swelling of berries. Great numbers of the dried ripe berries are also not recommended for oral consumption due to their swelling in the stomach.

Roots must be cultivated and not wild specimens in order to be used to treat blockage of the ducts or as an aphrodisiac. Application of prepared root to genitals increases sensitivity and sexual satisfaction, whilst application to breasts and nipples can increase milk production as well as treat mastitis. Cultivation for longer periods of time allows for sturdier and thicker roots, however its growth is slow. Roots of substantial size to be used upon genitals and not upon blocked ducts are often tended to for years.  
**Prescription:** Prepare root according to Sister Beatrice's method, extracted below for your convenience. Apply until blockage is removed, or as needed to produce desired sexual response.  
_Caution:_ If self-administering cultivated roots, it is recommend that an observer be present to remove the plant in case of exhaustion and dehydration.

_"An uprooted stalk and root is recommended for special propagation. Plant in rich soil fed with dried blood from slaughter and ground sulfur. Place six stones charged with the Divine magic gifted unto us by the blessed Lady. It should be three each of malachite and sard, spaced equally and alternating. Take care as you would any new cutting._

_Once new leaves have sprouted, water every other day under starlight, and feed with six drops of human blood. After thirty-six days have passed, the root is ready to be used. Uproot and rinse in clear water. The roots will wriggle like a live thing, seeking warmth and wet and will not stop until placed back into its soil. Portage in wet sacking if you are unable to rinse by the patient's bedside._

_Once return'd to its soil, the root may be watered and fed like any other plant, only requiring the feeding of blood once a moon._  
_Blessings be unto you."_


	2. Faster’s cucumber (indexed under: laxatives, purgatives, internal lubrication)

Faster’s cucumber, otherwise known as runs squash, void squash and bugger fruit is the fruit of a ground vine that grows in dry grassy soil, often along the edges of fields. The vines are a dark green in colour and the flowers a deep vivid purple speckled with white. The squash itself is a dark, almost black, purple with white flecks running down its length. The deep colour of the fruit is lightened somewhat by the fine hair covering it. Miniature varieties have been bred, allowing for indoor cultivation as well as more consistent dosing.

The fruits can be grown year round in a glasshouse or indoors. Outside of these structures, the cucumber fruits from late summer through to the very end of autumn. Plants harvested during this period will fruit and flower again, allowing harvest up to three times during the season.

Ingestion of the Faster's cucumber is a recommended method of purging for those undertaking religious fasting and certain surgical procedures as well as for sufferers of a blockage of the bowels.

The meat of the cucumber, when eaten, has a laxative effect, clearing the bowels of waste about two hours after ingestion. Onset of evacuation occurs suddenly and without warning; it's advised to remain within a short sprint of a privy or to have a large chamber pot to hand.  
**Prescription:** Quarter of a regular cucumber, skinned and eaten fresh or as a juice, loosens the stool for regular laxative effect. Half a cucumber taken in the same manner will clear the bowels enough to administer a medicinal enema or tonic. A whole cucumber, skinned and eaten fresh or as a juice, will prompt a complete evacuation of the bowels suitable for surgical examination and operation.   
Pickled or salted cucumbers are less effective; adjust for this by doubling the amount taken.   
_Caution:_ Consumption of two or more fresh cucumbers is not advised. Severe cramping and diarrhoea will occur for up to two days after ingestion.

If eaten with the skin and its fine hairs left intact it can stimulate mucous production along the stomach tract including in the rectum, allowing for easier passage of stool. Patients whose guts are delicate and prone to tearing or irritation, who suffer from particularly sticky or hard faeces, or are recovering from a surgery or examination of the bowels will benefit from this effect.   
The skin and its fine hairs may be dried and powdered and taken for both medicinal and recreational use. A salve can also be prepared for application to non-rectal tissues.  
**Prescription:** Eaten fresh or prepared as a juice, dose as above but leave whole for the evacuation of sensitive bowels. Supplement with powdered skin and hair if needed.   
One dram of powdered skin and hairs mixed with water into a loose paste and taken orally will stimulate a light internal lubrication of the digestive tract without evacuation. This dose is suitable for those recovering from surgery or examination. Three drams will stimulate a heavier internal lubrication suitable for preparation for surgery or examination. Take 16-24 hours before lubrication is needed.  
Salve is to be applied as needed to mucosal tissues. An amount the size of a bean is enough for most purposes. Twice that, or enough to coat two fingers, for women who have a dry passage and are unable to produce their own juices.  
_Caution:_ Consumption of two or more fresh cucumbers is not advised. Severe cramping and diarrhoea will occur for up to two days after ingestion. Eight or more drams (an ounse) of powdered skin and hairs will cause an excess of lubrication that will leak from the bowels and may cause dehydration.


	3. Custard seed (indexed under: kitchen substitutions, lubrication)

Custard seed, also known as cream berries and curd-o-fruit, are the fleshy fruit of a tree that grows in temperate climates at the edges of forests. The tree is a medium sized deciduous tree with large yellow-tinted circular leaves the size of a man's palm. When immature the tree has smooth dark grey bark marked with lines of white splotches; when it matures, the bark is deeply scaly, almost pebble-like in texture. The fruit it produces is about the size of a small apple and skin, seeds and flesh are a delicate cream colour. When ripe, the inside of the fruit is extremely soft with very little substance, more like clotted cream or soft cheese curds than anything else, and only slightly sweet. When over-ripe, the fruit is prone to burst at the slightest bump, spreading its seeds in a spray of white.

Flowering in early spring, it starts to fruit from early to mid-summer. It's recommended to harvest from mid-summer onwards to very early autumn. Fruit usually starts to burst two weeks after Lunaesagh, leaving the ground beneath the trees coated in a slick white mess of flesh and seeds, posing a slipping hazard for unsuspecting animals and people. It takes well to preserving however, allowing steward, ranger and farmer to harvest fruit for the winter and prevent harm to people and animals.

Custard seed is valued by both the cook and the physician for its soft flesh. For the cook it keeps well as a preserve and is a good substitute for its namesake when eggs and milk are unavailable or when guests are unable to stomach such. The physician values its slippery qualities more, using it as a lubricant for examinations and insertions. Members of the Pleasure Guild also value it for these lubricious qualitys, and even claim that the fruit can sweeten spend when eaten fresh.

Stewed with a little sugar the fruit softens a little to a custard-like consistency and makes a good replacement for such in pastrys, tarts and other baked goods, especially when the dairy and eggs required are not available or when serving to those with sensitive stomachs.  
**Prescription:** Prepare according to Sister Beatrice's method, extracted below, and keep in tightly sealed jars. Use in place of custard made of eggs and milk when required by necessity or diet.

As stated previous, the ripe flesh is highly slippery - as such it can be used as a lubricant to ease insertion of objects. It is claimed by the Guild of Pleasure to be superior to oil and most salves, being more gentle and kind to sensitive tissues such as the genitals and rectum, as well as being safe to consume. Preparation is much the same as for consumption, except stewed with salt of bicarbonate and regular salt to help preserve and keep it in a state neutral to the body.  
**Prescription:** Prepare according to Sister Beatrice's method extracted below. Keep in a sealed jar, using a clean spoon or pipette to dispense. Use as you would oil or salve for internal examination or insertion of instruments.

_"Take a peck of fruit, remove the peel and cut into pieces to stew in a large pot over a medium flame. No water is needed. Finely strain when softend._

_To keep over winter in the kitchen: dissolve a brick of sugar, any kind, or a pint of honey. Heat again over the same flame until it bubbles, and keep it over that same flame until those bubbles slow appreciably. Decant into boild clean jars, capping immediately._

_To keep in the infirmary: take a fourth of a bag of salt and half that of salt of bicarbonate and dissolve into the softend fruit. Heat over a slightly higher flame until it boils. Keep at a boil for a period of three evening prayers to our Lady. Take off the flame and allow to cool slightly before placing in boild clean cannisters or jars and sealing as well as you can._  
_Blessings be unto you"_


	4. Pageboy's menace (indexed under: laxatives, purgatives, irritants)

Pageboy's menace, also known as buggery, persuasion & penance, buttock burner and figger fruit is the fruit of a vine related to the void squash. It grows in much the same soil, being a ground vine that prefers dry, grassy soil and is often found at the edges of fields. It bears a similar appearance, having dark green vines, though the flowers are a mottled magenta rather than purple, and the fruit has a dark oxblood red skin covered in fine hairs. Fortunately it has not been subject to as rigorous breeding as void squash, and miniature varieties are less common.

It shares the same fruiting season, able to be grown year round in a glasshouse or indoors. Outside the cucumber fruits from late summer through to the very end of autumn. It has a slightly lower yield than its cousin as while plants harvested during this period will fruit and flower again, it may only be harvested up to two times during this season.

Ingestion of the meat of the fruit has a mild laxative effect, being far less thorough in its cleansing than void squash. Its skin and fine hair is also an irritant like its cousin, however instead of any useful result, it merely inflames and induces pruritus in whatever mucousal tissue it comes in contact with. Historically this has lead to the fruit has been used as punishment for misbehaving children and amongst junior positions of staff, as well one of many possible methods used in the practice of figging. The Pleasure Guild does not condone its use as an anal stimulant due to the possible risk of injury to the delicate anal tissues due to an intense desire to itch or be fiercely penetrated. Despite this, it remains a popular preparation as well as a punishment and prank.

When eaten, the meat of the cucumber has a mild laxative effect, helping clear the bowels and establish a regular movement within them. An urgency to void will set in around six hours after ingestion, however the onset of evacuation is not sudden. However it is advised to remain within a short sprint of a privy or to have a large chamber pot to hand.  
**Prescription:** A whole cucumber, skinned and eaten fresh or as a juice, induces peristalsis in the gut and helps loosens the stool for regular laxative effect. Pickled or salted cucumbers are less effective; adjust for this by doubling the amount taken.   
_Caution:_ Consumption of more than eight fresh cucumbers is not advised. Severe cramping and diarrhoea will occur for up to two days after ingestion. Care must also be taken to thoroughly peel and wash cucumbers to ensure no irritation or inflammation of the gut and anus.

If eaten whole, or with some trace of the skin and fine hairs, irritation and an intense itching will occur in the lower gut and anus. A similar irritation will occur with any mucousal tissue that comes into contact with the skin or hairs. Wash hands thoroughly after handling and before touching any part of the face, genitals or anal region.  
**Treatment:** If ingested, the irritation will fade one to two days after passing the affected stool. Irritation caused by direct contact tends to pass six to twelve hours after washing or flushing the affected area. An ointment such as calamine or lubricant such as that made from custard seed can help reduce the temptation to itch and stimulate the affected regions. Lubrication is recommended over ointment as the urge to stimulate, depending on the libido and proclivities of the person afflicted, can be overwhelming, leading to inevitable stimulation via penetration.  
Irritation does fade shortly after itching or stimulation, however the ferocity and duration required to relieve the sensation can lead to open wounds and tearing of more delicate tissues if not prepared or lubricated sufficiently.


	5. Lazy lover (indexed under: relaxants, muscle relaxation, anxious dispositions, vaginismus, poison)

Lazy lover, also known as loose-lipped Lucy, bugger's bloom and dead-man's fruit, is a small to medium flowering bush with full, many-petalled flowers that range in colour from pink to red. It is highly particular about the soil it prefers, growing in rich soil that is not too chalky and not too hard. Wild specimens can be found in deciduous forests where fallen leaves naturally mulch the forest floor, but this plant is far more easily found as a cultivated plant. Bushes are medium-large in size, with spiny stems and red-edged serrated leaves. The hips mature from a fuzzy green bud to a smooth, shiny, walnut-sized fruit that can also range from a vibrant pink to a deep dark red in colour.

It has a long blooming period, flowering from mid-spring through to early autumn. Hips develop a few weeks after the flowers have been pollinated, thus appearing from late spring onwards. If these fruit are harvested, the plant can sometimes flower again from the same stem, though it is recommended that large harvest sizes rely on number of plants rather than this method.

Lazy lover is a highly effective muscle relaxant, suitable for topical applications such as massage to treat sore and torn muscles, as well as oral medications to help reduce tension and stress and to help promote general healing. Combined with dreamshade, it can make a strong anaesthesia. It was traditionally used as an additive in oils and ointments used for sex, particularly anal penetration. The flowers, leaves and fruit are all useful, the intensity of effect depending on what is used and how it is taken.

Due to its effectiveness and history of use as a poison, sales of Lazy lover jelly and oil is regulated and recorded by the Guild of Medicine in conjunction with the Kingdom guard of most cities and states.

Tea brewed from dried leaves and petals has a light relaxing effect. This is suitable for treating those with a nervous disposition or sleeplessness, as well as those suffering from stress and tension headaches. It is also suitable as a pre-treatment for any type of active therapy such as massage or muscle exercises.  
**Prescription:** A large teaspoon of dried leaves or petals, steeped as tea, as needed to treat mild stress or nerves. This dosage may be taken once daily with no ill effects. For a pre-treatment before active therapy, two tablespoons of dried leaves or petals, steeped as a tea, taken half an hour before commencing the therapy. For mild sleeplessness, one to two tablespoons of dried leaves or petals brewed as a tea, taken an hour before going to bed. (For more severe sleeplessness, please refer to the entry on sleepshade.)  
_Caution:_ Regular, excessive consumption can lead to loss of muscle tone throughout the body, causing weakness of the heart and a sluggish digestive system.

Fruit prepared as a jelly or fruit rubber has a markedly stronger effect than the tea brewed from leaves and petal. It is again suitable for treating nerves, sleeplessness, stress and tension headaches. This method of preparation is not suitable as a pre-treatment for active therapy, but it is recommended as a form of light sedation for anxious or irritable patients before a stressful procedure.  
**Prescription:** A teaspoon of jelly or half a thumb's worth of rubber to treat immediate distress caused by anxiety or stress. Half a teaspoon of jelly, or a thumbnail length of rubber, is suitable as a daily contraceptive dose for such ailments. For sleeplessness, one to two teaspoons of jelly taken half an hour before bed, or a generous thumb-length of rubber taken an hour before. As a sedative, up to two tablespoons of jelly.  
_Caution:_ Regular, excessive consumption can lead to loss of muscle tone throughout the body, causing weakness of the heart and a sluggish digestive system.

The aromatic oil pressed from either the flowers or seeds contained within the fruit is very potent. Enough so that in high concentrations it has been the poison of choice for several assassinations and murders in history. As a topical treatment however, and in dilution, it is a superior oil for the relaxation of tense muscles as well as treatment for sprains and severe bruising.  
**Prescription:** One part oil to ten parts carrier oil as a general purpose massage oil with good relaxing properties. For a massage oil to specifically target tense muscles a ratio of 1:8 is recommended. To treat sprains and bruising, soak bandages in a mixture of oil dispersed and diluted one part in eight with clear spirits or a carrier oil, wring lightly and bind affected part firmly but not tightly. Replace once every twelve hours for three days. As part of a treatment plan for vaginismus, undiluted oil may be applied directly in small quantities on a semi-regular basis. To lubricate and relax for sexual penetration, the Pleasure Guild recommends an ointment of no greater than one third oil for anal sex and one fifth for vaginal sex.  
_Caution:_ Not for oral consumption. Prolonged use can result in loss of muscle tone and can cause prolapse with prolonged application to the anal or vaginal areas.


	6. Whorehouse's herb (indexed under: diagnostics, fertility - increasing)

Whorehouse's herb, also known as speed-thy-marriage and heir flower is a smaller flowering bush with heads of four petalled flowers. It grows easily in soft, fertile soil such as in sheltered forests and well-kept gardens. It has small fragrant heart-shaped leaves and flower colour varies from a clay-pink to a pale white-green depending on the quality of the soil.

It flowers from spring to autumn, with small inedible berries growing during the winter. Flowers may be harvested and dried in preparation for future distillation at any point during this long flowering period. New growth appears in summer making this season the best time to harvest as a salad plant and the best time to train it to a climbing bush.

Both the flowers and the stem and leaves have a history of being used by both lovers and married couples to not only hasten pregnancy, but to ensure that the swelling belly of a lover is not just merely gas. The flowers are able to indicate pregnancy after a simple distillation, whilst consumption of the stem and leaves is held to increase the likelihood of conception.

One of the first aides made available to the public through the Pleasure Guild's apothecary, a distillation of the flowers can be used to test for pregnancy, turning a vibrant orange if positive or remaining a pale brown if negative.  
**Prescription:** Prepare according the Sister Beatrice's method as described below. If a pregnancy is suspected, take a half wineglass of finished distillation and mix into it an equal amount of the potential mother's first piss of the day. After a few minutes it should either turn a vibrant orange of glowing coals - indicating a pregnancy, or remain unaltered in colour.

The stems and leaves appear to increase fertility when eaten on a regular basis. Though no pharmacy or psyance has been able to confirm this ability, it remains a popular folk belief and certainly does no harm.  
**Prescription:** A sallet made of two handfuls of leaves eaten two to three times a week, ideally until conception occurs or at least through from Beltaine to Lunaesagh.

_"Cover harvest'd flowers with equal quantities of clear liquor and clean well-water. Keep in a clean jar, away from the light of the sun and moon for one month. Boil through wine-maker's equipment after this time to obtain a clear but pale brown extract the colour of weak Xanese tisane. Store in dark bottles._  
_Blessings be unto you."_


	7. Swamp trap (indexed under: pest control, sexual aides - penetrative)

Swamp trap, also known as virgin’s delight and virgin’s doom is a vine and root that grows in marshy and boggy areas. This plant is mildly carnivorous, but instead of the flesh of men and animals, prefers bodily fluids such as sweat, blood and sexual fluids. It is unremarkable in appearance, its vines being a dark brown green with large heart-shaped leaves, making it nearly unavoidable when travelling through swamps and wetlands. Its flowers are also unremarkable, resembling white and yellow water lilies when flowering, with withered seed cases resembling the corpse of a rat, tail and all. The shiny brown fresh seed cases are to be avoided, as the plant has been known to deposit the contents within unlucky travelers.

It has no defined flowering or growing season, though it has been observed that the vines are more active both after autumn rains and after the yellow hound days of summer.

While dangerous to the unwary and unprepared traveller, both the Pleasure Guild and the Temple of the Wanting Candle have cultivated, and to a certain degree domesticated, this vine for use in rituals and recreation. Worshippers and dedicates to Ibilgh offer themselves, giving up their virginities to the vine, and are implanted with seeds - the complete and utter way the vine winds its way into the participants a symbol of the way Ibiligh consumes all in her path, while the seeds implanted within them represent the opportunities that spring up in her wake. The Pleasure Guild is far more straight forward in their purpose: they offer the use of the vines to anyone who is interested in being so thoroughly penetrated and filled by the vine. Those wishing to do so in private have to pay for the privilege, but those who do not mind the attention of a pleasure house upon them as well as virgins who wish to be educated in carnal matters need only pay a nominal fee. Swamp trap has also been known to reduce insect-borne diseases in the areas in inhabits, preying on mosquitoes as well as flea and tick infested animals. Communities that choose to use the vine in this manner are advised to clearly signpost where the vine grows.

Travellers who wish to journey through areas known to have swamp trap are advised to drink plenty of water during their travels, to lightly stretch their bodies daily as well as either dosing themselves with the hair and skin of Faster's cucumber or lubricating their orifices with an oil or salve. A pint of blood, ideally mixed with sexual fluids such as semen, may be carried in a waterskin to facilitate escape, but this measure may fail and only serve to shorten an encounter. Those who find themselves caught in the swamp trap's grasp are advised to relax as much as possible and do their best to enjoy the sensations and reach orgasm quickly and repeatedly.  
**Treatment:** Lightly salted lemon barley water immediately after encounter to help rehydrate, though plain water with a pinch of salt and sugar or honey will also work. A soothing balm should be applied to treat any rawness, followed by a tightening salve if desired.  
Implanted seeds do evacuate naturally after a period of four days, though care should be taken to dispose of said waste by burning. If seeds have been implanted and immediate removal is required, a carmine flush should be taken orally, followed by a purgative such as a fresh half-Faster's cucumber.

Those willingly submitting to the vine are also advised to drink water heavily before their planned experience. However, as this is a planned encounter, more care and attention can be paid to stretching both body and orifices, as well as lubricating them.  
**Preparation:** The priestess or member of the Pleasure Guild overseeing the ritual or experience will give more detailed instructions as to the steps to take, but the general recommendation (from the Pleasure Guild) is to stretch the vagina and/or anus to take three fingers, and a familiarity with the practice of sounding is recommended. For lubrication, two drams of powdered Faster's cucumber hairs and skin to be taken the day before, and a half a fresh, unskinned, Faster's cucumber three hours before the encounter. Additionally, a wineglass of oil or cream berry lubricant per hole applied immediately before submitting to the vine. This lubricant may include a relaxant such as oil from the bugger's bloom or idle-berry juice in it to help ease the experience and make it more enjoyable.  
The Temple of the Wanting Candle insists that those blessed with the carriage of seeds bear them until they are naturally expelled. The Guild however will offer the option of an immediate removal, as well as that of a simple carmine flush without a purgative - which deadens the seeds, allowing the pleasure seeker to carry and dispose of the seeds naturally without having to take careful precautions to burn the waste containing them.


	8. Lover's bounty (indexed under: aphrodisiacs, failure of the phallic member, heart and blood problems)

Lover's bounty, also known as strong-rod tea, heart's throb and weed-for-youths, is a small-leafed, woody stemmed herb that grows in free draining soil in sunny locations. Wild varieties can be found alongside drier roads and paths, but it has long been kept as a garden herb. It has small, eye shaped leaves, and small trumpet-shaped flowers. The flowers are a bright red in spring and summer, fading to a pleasant pink in autumn as they wither and bloom a rich, vibrant brown-purple when they start up again in winter.

It flowers all year round, with new growth occurring in spring and summer, the stems turning woody during autumn and winter. It's suitable for harvest any time of the year but is most fragrant and potent in spring and summer. Able to be used fresh or dried, the flowers do not need to be removed before use, but when using dried stems it is easier to strip the dried flowers and leaves than to use whole.

While modern psyance has discovered the benefits of Lover's bounty for those with weak hearts and other assorted heart problems, it's long been used as an aphrodisiac and to treat erectile dysfunction. Observed to bring blood to the sexual organs, enhancing arousal and performance, the herb was a mainstay in many a kitchen garden for its use in the bedchamber. There has been some evidence that it's heart-strengthening properties were known, however this never achieved the same widespread use as its modern counterpart.   
In light of the recent discoveries concerning the effects this herb has on the heart however, persons with anxious dispositions or a faint and weak pulse are dissuaded from its use as aphrodisiac and conjugal performance enhancer. These such persons are advised to use milk blossom berries or to inhale the smoke of burning bed-flower or other medication as suggested by healer or pharmacist instead.

A traditional method of treating erectile dysfunction, Lover's bounty encourages erections as well as prolonging them. Originally brewed as a teas with either fresh stems or dried leaves, or as an extract prepared in alcohol, it is now available as a synthesised extract available in both liquid and tablet form from most pharmacies. This synthetic form provides consistent and reliable results, allowing dosing to be made easier.  
**Prescription:** One or two fresh stems about a palm's width long or one or two tablespoons of dried leaves, depending on the season the herb was harvested, brewed into a tea taken an hour before sexual activity. Up to a tablespoon of traditional extract, diluted in a glass of water, taken quarter of an hour to an hour before sex. A teaspoon of the synthetic extract, diluted and taken as described previously. Two small tablets or whatever is prescribed, taken two hours before sexual activity is anticipated.   
_Caution:_ Excessive use, taking multiple doses per day, or overdosing of the synthetic extract can result in priapism of the male member, resulting in its loss if left untreated. Continuous use may induce a permanent state of arousal, even when consumption is ceased.  
Persons with anxious dispositions or a faint and weak pulse are cautioned against the use of Lover's bounty. These such persons are advised to use other medication as suggested by healer or pharmacist instead.

For those that have no member of their own, or merely wish to increase their arousal and don't require an aide to help them achieve erections, Lover's bounty may be also used as an aphrodisiac. The herb brings a natural flush of blood and sensitivity to the genital area, a pleasant warmth that is highly conducive to intimate relations and sexual activities.  
**Prescription:** A tea made with a tablespoon of dried herb or one short stem drunk a few hours before sexual activity. Or a generous teaspoon of traditional extract, or a half teaspoon of synthetic, diluted in a cup of water and taken up to an hour before. It is not recommended that synthetically derived tablets be used for aphrodisiac purposes, as even the smallest tablets would have to be divided. However, a grain of the powder of ground tablets may be dissolved on the tongue up to half an hour before intimate relations are expected to begin.  
_Caution:_ The same cautions as listed previously for treatment of erectile dysfunction apply here. However it should be noted that excessive use, including taking multiple doses and overdosing, of the synthetic extract can also cause sensitivity to the point of pain in the female organs. Continuous use over long periods may induce a permanent state of arousal, even when consumption is ceased.  
Persons with anxious dispositions or a faint and weak pulse are cautioned against the use of Lover's bounty. These such persons are advised to seek other treatments as suggested by healer or pharmacist.

Recent studies have shown the herb's use in opening the heart's valves and decreasing blood pressure, as well as strengthening the heart's function. While teas and extracts can be used, it is recommended to take the synthesised extract - available from most pharmacies in liquid and tablet form - that provides the consistent dosing needed.  
**Prescription:** As directed by physician or pharmacist - usually half a small tablet taken once every two days, or five drops of extract diluted in a small glass of water once a day. If synthetic forms are unavailable, again follow the directions of the prescribing physician or pharmacist. Tea will usually be directed to be made with an inch long portion harvested during winter or two teaspoons of dried, winter-harvested leaves, and taken every other day. Natural extract should be made from winter-harvested stems, eight drops of which should be diluted in a small glass of water to be taken once a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last entry I have mostly written. Expect erratic updates with lengthy periods between from now on.


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